is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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