And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I supernannyed him into submission
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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