He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
