Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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