it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Vodka?
Forever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
