I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
