If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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