I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
