why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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