dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
