your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
