we're chasing vodka with high fives
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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