I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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