walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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