it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
