You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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