Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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