theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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