feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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