You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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