I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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