She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there was a trapeze. enough said
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
