oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
