It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
