i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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