well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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