No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
