Your face is a jimmy john
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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