The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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