I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize