i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
