Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I looked at my own cervix.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
