One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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