they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
