Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
