i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I sprained my soul last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
