mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
