your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
