My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
