her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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