dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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