honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she smelled like a LAN party
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
