sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sext me about skeletons
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"