chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
