I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.