we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize