I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Randomize
