out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.