would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
