i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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