The maid of honor just puked.
too bad you live with your parents still
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Randomize