I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
