"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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