I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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