I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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