I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
