the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
