3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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