it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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