"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
