he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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