"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
