A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize