I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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