I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The Olympian is in my bed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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