she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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