Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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