that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
