I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
