I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
