She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
