where am i from again
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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